Thursday, May 27, 2021

Addiction is a B#%@$

It is towards the end of the day when I am too weak to hold my guard, the loneliness creeps in.

As a smoker I can say that trying not to be lonely or trying to accept the loneliness takes more effort than trying to not smoke. Its an addiction, my fingers take me to people I want to talk to, but I cannot and it is tough to control. 

Every day I feel as if its a new day, habit refuses to build, every day I wake up with the same fresh wound, with no healing at sight.

People say when going gets tough, tough gets going, and I am trying every single day, waiting for that day when I am over this addiction.

The only thing I can do is take it one day at a time.

Wednesday, May 26, 2021

swirling thought

What do you lose when you lose? I think everytime a little bit of life is what you really lose with every loss.

Incoherent thoughts of a sleepless night

The kind of things I have done, life seems like a series of mistakes. Some beautiful memories are associated with those mistakes, making everything bittersweet. More bitter than sweet I must say and I wonder, was it all worth it? Would I live the way I have so far and commit the same mistakes if I had another chance at life. I have gone through the pivotal moments of my life and I can say except for that one mistake, I would make all the mistakes I made. Is that what regret is, that one mistake you wish you could take back? I think so, if thats not regret, I dont know what is a regret.

Anyhow, as people say, I must move on on the path that I have chosen and face the music. And what? Should I make more mistakes? At this point I am too tired and full of remorse, I dont think I want to make even one more mistake. Wish there was a time machine and I could correct just one mistake, and I would have been so happy, I bet I could give my life for it. Wishes don't come true. 

What can I do, all thats left is waiting and wishing.

Sunday, May 23, 2021

Artificial Intelligence or Artificial Awareness

So I was randomly selected for a drug swab test at the airport, I know that its not a person who is selecting people and judging them based on their race, color, nationality and age, and that its done by an algorithm (AI) which in turn learns to select people randomly based on the past data which has been fed in it for the AI to learn what kind of people were searched in the past and have higher probability of using/smugging drugs. I do understand that.


What if that past data being fed in AI itself is baised because past data does include searches done by humans who were in some or all ways baised. What if the past bais continues to seep into our present.


Some people would say, but hey the past data contains the profile of people who were caught, and maybe AI is doing the right thing. Well lets look at it this way, if in the past you checked 5 women for every 100 men, then naturally more men will be caught, simply because the sample size is significantly bigger. Maybe had they checked more females, they would have caught more females, but that didn't happen and now our dear AI thinks well women are not high risk based on the past data, why should i check them more now! I would continue to pay more attention to males.


This logic can be applied for gender, age, color, nationality or anything that you might think of. If you never looked in a particular direction, how would you find anything there.


Its a vicious cycle. AI learns to be biased, quite unconsciously, based on the previous data, then all the actions it takes, based on that baised past data, are also fed into the AI for it to continue learning, which kind of further cements that bias in the algorithm.


Artificial Intelligence is not really intelligence, its just imitating behaviours to increase the probability of success in whatever that algorithm was built for, based on the data fed into it. 


It is critical that we understand that AI, no matter how good, is not at all aware. AI isnt aware how racial profiling was wrong or that we as humans want to change it now. AI isnt aware of apartheid or colonialism or any of the social issues which we has human race have faced and have tried to correct. AI lacks that insight. AI has no sense of wrong or right, or compassion, its just a monkey which imitates whatever you do, only faster and very accurately. It makes us more efficient and accurate but it doesnt make us more correct.


While it is good that AI in several areas has been quite useful, and I am not writing this article to blame anyone or the AI for the bias existing in the system, I believe the next version of Artificial Intelligence would be Artificial Awareness something which would be able to, unlike humans, think rationally and will be able to distinguish between good and bad, would be aware of the history, would take into consideration the collective intellect of humans before it makes a decision. I know it sounds impossible, but then whatever humans have achieved at some point looked impossible. Someday it will become a reality and oh boy that would be something!

Friday, May 14, 2021

Turkish touch to a Tibetian custom

In Tibet, when someone is going, he is offered a cup of Yak butter tea, but that tea is not to drink, instead it lies there untouched waiting for the reunion of the dear ones. I first saw it in a movie, then researched a bit and it is indeed an old tradition.

Today is my last day in Istanbul, which I knew had to come some day or the other. I always imagined I would have one last beer at Harp with my pepper. Neither Harp is open, nor my pepper is with me. So I opened a beer, took a sip, held it to Harp and my Pepper and left it at Harp's gate, hoping for a reunion someday. 

You were sorely missed Pops!




It might seem like a stupid thing to do, but given all terrible and dumb things I have done in life, this seemed pretty normal.

Thursday, May 13, 2021

Why so Hectic?

 Last couple of months have been stressful, full of bad moments and at the same time sad moments. Nowadays I am busy in making arrangements for my travel and next destination. Its so hectic that I don't even have time to think back on the time spent in Istanbul. The city I love, and the city which loved me back.

Sometimes, I think one should have some time to at least say a proper good bye. Alas, thats not the luxury I will have as I leave my beloved city.

Migrating Season

Pops there is not much difference between humans and birds. We live at some place and then we move to a new city and just like birds we make...