Shikwa (Lament)

Shikwa kya karein unke jaane ka,

(Why should I complain about her leaving me)

Mannat maut ki bhi kabool na hui unke dar pe

(When even my wish for death in her feet wasnt fulfilled)

Made It

 I made it to the Dean's List Pops. I scored 3.86 GPA in the summer semester to pull that off. I think you would have been very happy had you known this. I can imagine you being super happy and doing your happy dance and that kind of makes me happy. Cheers!

Insanity

There is this insanity here. All you do is run, although its never clear what I am running behind. But it does keep you occupied, in that ways this insanity is good. After all day doing something which has no meaning, when I come back and your thought touches me, it has the same effect as water has on a drying up plant. I feel the life in me, I feel the softness, I feel the juices running in me again. 

Your thought makes me see the insanity in its true colors and it lets me detach myself from that insanity. But then I miss you so much, that I almost feel guilty of feeling alive and somewhere I start wishing for insanity. Thats what my punishment is, to live an insane life while being dead inside, keeping you as a mere spark, but nothing more, not enough to revive me, but enough so I remember what I lost, what I destroyed.

I miss you Pops. Everyday.

It matters why you change.

 Someone asked me, what would you do if you got to know today is the last day, at 12 midnight you'll die?

I first thought about it and my initial thoughts included flipping few people, calling popo to hear her voice for the last time, making sure my parents accept this and what not. But then something occurred and I said to my friend "I would live it just the way I have been living but yeah I will call her for the last time for sure." 

My friend was a little surprised that I would not do anything out of the ordinary. So I asked him, you know you are going to die someday. The awareness of our eventual death already exists, but I still live the way we live, then why change anything even if I get to know I'll be dead tomorrow.

If I should change, then I should change because of the life that I want to live, not because I am about to die soon. 

But yeah, as a last wish, I will still call her, if only to get her wrath.

Echoes

I miss your laughter, it echoes in my head, the only place I can hear it. I wonder if you still laugh like that. If you still go all mad and do your happy dance! I miss you pops!

One Step Closer

Its my birthday month, an event which I refuse to celebrate. My friend asked me why and I told him, birthday is like a reminder that I am one step closer to Death!

My friend said looking at how the world is, its not essentially a bad thing, you should celebrate that you are closer to death now. And I told him -

I had come screaming into this world, I shall go quietly!