Where to?

 Every time when I come back home, I see my little more older parents, ageing house and feel that heavy musty smell, as if its a place where even time gets old. And then comes a time when I need to leave and every time I leave home, it feels as if a little bit of me dies. 

Do you know how important Pepper is?

I love pepper, it has a zing, is edgy and makes my tongue tingle. I loved my Pepper too, pretty much for same reasons, she was unique, had her unique edges and her eyes were the biggest mines of love, love for me. Given how stupid I am, I did something horrible, more horrible than what Voldemort did and now my Pepper is gone. I have no pepper, life is bland and reeks of regret. I deserve it, especially because she didn't deserve any of what she got. Puccu Hububu Pops!

Jesuis Humaine - I Am Human

#JesuisCharlie My Ass. Please pardon my French (ironical, isn’t it), but I have had it enough. 84 school children died in Pakistan few days ago, I guess I missed the #Jesuisl'enfant tweets, freedom of life was never discussed defended so vehemently then. Nothing is an attack on humanity unless it happens in European or American continent is it? A bomb attack in UK is seen as a threat on the whole world, while in India cross border firing killing few people every day is seen as a local issue. Four damn cartoonists and eight others died and a nationwide manhunt ensured the two shooters die as well. Those shooters believed they avenged Allah and Mohammad, and French police believed they avenged humanity I am assuming. What is the difference, both took the same route of revenge? And to cover up the bitter truth, some self-declared prophets of “Freedom of Speech” applied their filthy emotionally masturbated verbal cum on the whole issue.

What exactly is freedom of speech? To say what I wish to say? To not pay heed to the faiths and beliefs of people? It’s a right, every human being’s right. The rights are very mysterious in nature, a human being is believed to have them right from the time of birth. Some pro-life fanatics have even adorned unborn fetus with the same rights. It tells us, how seriously we take it. While I don’t take such creative stupidity very seriously, I fail to understand how no one talks about the responsibilities which come with the fundamental rights as part of the package. For example, if we look at “Right to live”, and add the accountability and responsibility to it, the statement would be “Right to live without damaging, destroying and snatching away right to live of others”. Where is the responsibility towards society in mocking a religion? Calling people living in your country outsiders in an era of globalization? Islam was narrow minded, the so called ‘developed’ people of Europe, where is your broad thinking?

Freedom of speech makes no sense to me if it is not constructive for the society. Mockery of beliefs, faith and religion cannot be part of it. I understand fun, I understand satire but I do not understand mockery. The whole purpose behind coining the term “Freedom of Speech” is lost when the medium is used for anything other than constructive development of society. What was Charlie and his team doing? Pointing at the stupidities of Islam everyday will only make the Islamic people more defensive towards their beliefs, restricting growth of Islam as a whole. I understand if you tell me Islam as a religion has issues, but is there a single religion which is complete in the truest sense. Terrorists are assumed to be muslims, but ask yourself is that true? From ancient times, in the name of Jesus, crusaders massacred men women and children, shan't they be counted as terrorists? Hindus and muslims killed each other during so many riots in past years, both competed for the throne of barbarism, aren’t they both terrorists? Why this special attention on a particular sect? An attention which they never asked for, an attention which is helping them in no way. It is in midst of all this, we are celebrating Freedom of Speech? By doing what? Exaggerating every single stupidity which exists in Islam?

I do not know your father, I hope he is your idol, you believe in him, you have faith in his decisions and actions and way of life. Well, all that is fine but you know what “Fuck your Father”. Would you support this freedom of speech? How is it helping the society by mocking a particular sect, religion? Who will choose what Freedom of Speech is? It’s our responsibility to choose wisely and choose correctly. Have we chosen correctly?

If you think about it, freedom of speech can also be seen as refined form of “Freedom to Express”. Well Charlie thought of expressing via Cartoons, few fanatics chose to express through Guns. Both of them were merely expressing, choice of tool differed. Would you accept that? Don’t pounce upon me with “But killing is wrong?” I don’t deny that, but since when mocking a soul became correct?

Charlie died, before death he was just a cartoonist running a magazine which had weak following. After death he is the symbol of freedom of speech. So ironical I find our way of treating other humans. Exaggerated martyrs are made out of corpses. I read somewhere that this month Charlie’s magazine might sell over 10 Million copies, on an ordinary day it would have sold few thousand at its best, and right there we gave them a free hand to make mockery of society again and with new rigor. Nothing hurts until you are the facing it. Islam might not mean anything to most of the people, but does that allow us to assume it does not mean anything to anyone? For some people, it’s the only way of life. The one precious life which they have, they have put faith in Islam and are following it religiously, adapting the good parts and bad parts. Forgiving the bad parts on account of so many good thing it preaches. They did not give us the right to judge them on account of their faith.

Judge a man for what he has done, not for what he believes, wears or preaches, it’s a personal choice until it starts being a pain to others. What happened to Charlie was wrong, but not on account of what Charlie was spreading. It was wrong because his life was taken without his consent. Can’t we leave the matter to this and stop blaming a whole sect for it? Are our maturity levels so low that we cannot distinguish an act committed by few individuals and an act committed by a whole sect?

I say fuck those who assassinated and fuck Charlie. Both are part of the same stupidity over which we ignore to consider the society. Social norms have become extinct, everything is about being individual, being unique, so much that we turned our back to our own ecosystem, the society. And no, by society I do not mean Facebook or Twitter. Stop covering everything with hash-tags, it rips apart the joys and sorrows of life, making them exactly what they are over internet. “Trending Topics”. While we put up show to fight for humanity we strangle it with our own moral beliefs and actions.

Don’t look for my religion, for I have none. Don’t look for my identity, for its not important. Look at the purpose, and look within yourself. Break the shackles of age old beliefs and words in fashion. Let’s just be what we really are. Humans.

Where Am I?

Most of you think that I am stoned ,but alas I am not. These are few of the questions which suddenly appear whenever I am reading anything related to Space, Galaxy, Stars, Planets, Big Bang Theory, String Theory, M Theory and don’t know what all.

Imagine a theory, I will take the most popular one, Big Bang Theory. It talks about the beginning of something. Something which created all the galaxies; that too billions of them. And then it talks about expansion and how it took for someone like me to be writing this article. I am not really convinced by it. Don’t worry, I will not go into mathematical theories. But, imagine this, at some point something exploded somewhere. This simple beginning of Big Bang Theory itself is so perplexing. I keep asking myself. What exploded and where? What is space? Is it the real infinite or it has boundaries too? How big it has to be for containing eleven billion galaxies which are spaced out so well that in near future and within our limited scope of knowledge and view, no two galaxies seem to be colliding with each other. And amidst all this, all these incidents happening at a very short time on a very huge timeline, I exist, counting seconds, minutes, hours and years, trying to make sense of almost seventy years of my life.

For billions of years, these planets and stars haven’t been able to make any particular sense to me. I mean I just know that they exist. But I really never understood their importance. For me, they just exist. They are floating in time, and with them I am too. Giving them company for a very short span, yet trying to make myself of some importance, value. What am I? Probably a tiny dot of diameter not more than one nanometre on this timeline, may be even less. On occasions like these, I lose faith in life. Not that I develop any kind of suicidal tendencies, but I find every action as worthless, every inactive second looks as good as an active one.

Where am I? Why am I here? Just to live? To get entangled in the trivial issues of my small life like jobs, families, friends, alcohol, weed? I think it got a little more smaller than I intended and the reader might argue that there were people like Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Dalai Lama, Hitler (well he did do something, good or bad will be discussed some other day) and so many others, they really achieved something big. I ask you really? Is that your definition of big? Doesn’t it depend from where are you seeing all this? Imagine a star, lets a Pole Star watching all this, do you think its still big? Isn’t it a joke for Pole Star, wouldn’t he see this as trivial matters of few billion people on earth? We talk so passionately of humanity; it’s amazing to notice the same humanity was non-existent some two thousand years ago and yet we ignore the earth, literally rape it, digging it deeper and deeper everyday, raping it through every hole we can create either its beneath out feet for resources or holes in our atmosphere which we created. We.

I am not saying it’s a good thing or bad thing to treat the earth the way we do. Maybe its plain necessity for our existence. My question is – Does it even matter? Look at the beginning of all this. It’s a vague explosion of something somewhere. The way this story starts might not be one of the best starts of any great story, or may be it is, but it sure makes every incident after it completely immaterial.

We are may be one line of a book which is not even complete. Without us, the book would never be what it is, but without the book, what are we if not just intangible forms of some form. I always travel from a place to a place, but this journey started somewhere and will end, may not end at all. Where are these boundaries defined? Does space has boundaries, are there more spaces floating together in one large space? Are there galaxies of spaces too? I wish I knew where am I? What’s my real address? But I don’t. I just continue to float, sometimes without even realizing that I am, entangled in my wishes, relations, fears, joys and sorrows. Amidst this meaningless life, what can really be so meaningful to wish for that one could call it truly worth it? A happy life, a satisfied death?

I don’t know, and this time I wouldn’t say I don’t care. I do care. I do care to know my purpose, my role, because the way I see it, it’s a lot easier to do something when you know what exactly is that something.

So here am I, more confused than ever over my own existence, mulling over the worthlessness of life. I don’t know if it can happen or not, but I guess it would really be worth it, truly worth it if I could be there when we float so far that we finally touch the boundary of our space with a joint in my hand. It would be one hell of a scene I guess. My roomie says he cant really promise touching the boundary part, but joint he has and he wouldn’t mind sharing! I say that's a good purpose to give up blabbering here!

All Hail the King?

I am 28 years old, and I have never voted.

When I was in school, teachers spent exhaustive number of hours on the unfolding history of mankind in front of us. It involved study of our ancestors (apes), several civilizations’ rise and fall, several kings across the globe, several revolutions, wars, birth of communism and democracy.

I will admit, to me as a student, anarchy look old school, communism and its different forms looked just and democracy empowering. I will say these perceptions were more result of how the facts were presented by the biased teachers and/or course structure which we were forced to go through (I say forced, because it was done without my consent and no other alternatives were presented.)

Without diverting from the topic, today, I wonder if these different types of governments are actually different from each other, or just different forms of the same entity. Let’s try to see what the difference is by asking a basic question, and exploring the meaning behind it. For the same reason, I would go one by one to the most popular forms of governments, Monarchy, Communism, Democracy (Republic).

Monarchy 

A monarchy is a form of government in which sovereignty is actually or nominally embodied in a single individual.

Definition seems quite simple, but it raises some more questions. I will raise the questions and answer them to the best of my knowledge, conscience and common sense.

Q Does that mean, that particular individual did all the work? 

A No, certainly not, he chooses members who form a part of his council and represent him in every matter of public interest.

Q How are these members chosen?

A Citizens out of the general public who the individual deemed fit for the position were chosen. It by no means indicate that the members are the best of the lot, actually capable of dispensing their duties with utmost honesty, nor does it mean members possess the best knowledge or experience in their field of expertise. They are simply chosen by the individual based on his knowledge, experience, thoughts, perceptions, visions and missions.

Q Were all decisions were taken by the individual?

A No, the purpose of having council was to find a group of individuals who can share his vision and give their opinions. Occasionally some individuals would lose faith in their councils and which would result in some illogical bad decisions by that individual, but under normal circumstances individual seek opinion from the council and ruled accordingly.

Q Was there a judicial system under monarchy?

A Yes, there always was a judicial system even in monarchy, there is certain influence of the individual on some facets of it based on his own vision and interests. But most of the cases are handled by the judicial structure.

Any number of questions would not be enough to paint the true picture of Monarchy or any form of governance. But I have asked the three basic questions, first demands description of the system, second  and third ask by whom and how the public is ruled and the last pertains to if there is anyone to save the basic rights of citizens or not.

Maybe if we post the same questions with respect to other forms of governance, we will be able to see if indeed they are different or same in the end.

Communism

Communism is a socioeconomic system structured upon common ownership of the means of production and characterized by the absence of social classes, money, and the state; as well as a social, political and economic ideology and movement that aims to establish this social order.

Q Does that mean, that particular individual did all the work? 

A In this case, this question stands invalid, as by definition a single party rules the country, but it doesn’t mean they do not have a leader amongst themselves.

Q How are these members chosen?

A Party is a group of citizens who as a group find themselves fit to run the country. Again this does not mean they are best of the lot, this does not mean they have the supreme knowledge or experience. They run the country as a group because the group (with leader’s having maximum weightage) thinks that the member is capable of his position.

Q Are all decisions are taken by the party?

A In this case, the single party sets a vision for the country, and every law is made in order to protect the vision. What is a communist vision? The vision is “To establish socioeconomic system structured upon common ownership of the means of production and characterized by the absence of social classes, money, and the state”. But in the nutshell the decision at the top are taken by the party members.

Q Is there a judicial system under communism?

A Yes, there always was a judicial system even in communism, there is certain influence of the party on some facets of it based on its own vision and interests. But most of the cases are handled by the judicial structure which executes the laws defined and updated by the party members.

Do you also feel that communism felt like monarchy, except for the fact that in communism politically speaking that “individual” is missing. One can argue that that communism abolishes class system, everybody is equal. I suggest read “Animal Farm – by Geroge Orwell”. If not then look at the countries like Cuba, Burma, Korea and China (capitalist communists), you will see class is unavoidable in these countries, class exists. So what is the difference? In opinion, nothing.

Democracy

It is a form of government in which all eligible citizens are meant to participate equally – either directly or, through elected representatives, indirectly – in the proposal, development and establishment of the laws by which their society is run.

Q Does that mean, that particular individual did all the work? 

A In this case, this question stands invalid, as by definition public chooses the group of selected citizens who rule or govern the nation. So in a nutshell, a group governs the nation. I know, you must be think but this group is chosen by the people. Yes and no I say, but for now just stay with me. Let’s go to the next question.

Q How are these members chosen?

A As per the definition members are chosen by the public. But are these selected ones really selected by the public? I say no, when the money for election campaigns pour in from big companies, it’s not the public which really chooses the “selected ones”. Winston Churchill once said “When I hear the definition of democracy from an uneducated man, I am forced to believe democracy is a weapon of destruction more than a tool of development.” We all know Mr. Churchill had a habit of aggrandizing almost everything. But is he wrong? Do we not know how the elections happen? How the votes are banked based on caste, religion and money? Do we forget who wins in the end? It’s always the industrialists, who want a particular environment in the nation for them to flourish and they create the environment at their whim. Even if for a moment I agree that members are chosen by us, can we say we choose the best? Isn’t our selection based on personal perceptions, thoughts and interests? Otherwise how can you justify selection or even existence of so many corrupt politicians? They did not magically appeared on the screen of national politics, we selected. I say, we do not choose anyone, we live under the illusion that we choose. And we are happy to live under this illusion, why? Because spending an hour dreaming about the powers we possess, is better than being awake fully knowing the self-worthlessness.

Q Are all decisions are taken by the members?

A Yes, again just like monarchy and communism, decisions are taken by these members. Are these decisions purely in the interest of the general public? Well no, not all. This system is also crippled by the same diseases as Monarchy and communism.

Q Is there a judicial system under democracy?

A Yes, there always was a judicial system in democracy, there is certain influence of the members on some facets of it based on its own vision and interests. But most of the cases are handled by the judicial structure which executes the laws defined and updated by the party members.

Do you see how similar this system is when broken down into further questions? Democracy, is just a fancy new term to show the change, whether there is really any change or not, who determines that? I say every system is just the same. Each run on essentially the same components, it’s just a matter which word you really wish to use.

How do you argue which one is better? Or different? We live in a world where USA (Republic) wages war on almost daily basis, China (Communism) is a super power, and India (Democracy) is struggling beneath the burden of 1.6 billion entangled views. Few years ago, this was not true, nor will it be true in future. Because it doesn’t really matter what form of government is ruling the nation, the nations were run by the few, the elite ones, and it will always be true.

If mean monarchy is pure scotch, cunning communism is “on the rocks” and dear democracy is a “cocktail”, what do you prefer?

I am 28 year old, I have never voted, nor do I intend to do so in future.

From Womb To Grave

I find myself sitting in the train and the city seems to be running away from me, melancholy seeps into my bones like several pin pricks, I don’t know why such sadness covers me every time I leave the city, is it because my parents still live there, my beautiful lover longs for me and I no more have the company of my genuine friends? I think it’s all of this and then a lot more, it is also because I left those known roads where I used to roam as if I owned them; I was the king of the city at least for myself. To say my own I had only these things and strings of attachment, and here I am going away from them. With each rhythmic beat of train, my heart skips a beat, and I can’t do anything except for inching towards another city.

Funny thing is that I am heading to yet another city in search of good friends and good times. In some ways I will find what I am looking for. The old city will be missed lesser and lesser with time. I will get used to the new city, I may start to own few roads here as well, who knows one day I may feel like the king of the city again. The cycle would continue, and I’ll keep running in the circle, chasing my own tail.

The way I see it, this won’t get me anywhere. No matter how many cities I change, how many miles I travel, I will still be where I was. The pretentious ‘change’ would keep coming and going and still all will be the same. Suddenly ‘change’ looks like that clever guy who always manages to fool you every time. But not this time friend, let me just figure it out once and for all.

It doesn’t matter if my grave is two miles or two thousand miles away from the place of my birth, in the end my grave would be there. So in the end it’s all about the journey isn’t it? A journey from a womb to a grave. Then why do sages preach  us to relinquish all desires and kill any kind of attachment with the relations and almost every color of life? Its like someone asked you to pretend to be colorblind even when nature added so many beautiful colors for you to devour.

So what am I going to do? I think I’ll live for a change, I’ll live my heart out. I will go through every moment of joy and sorrow with a ferocious intensity to feel absorb it in the best possible way and with a hope that next moment will be better than the previous one, after all you don’t want to miss anything during this journey.

I will fully accept the fact that this was always a one way road, and with the last breath left inside me, I will know that I completed the journey in the best possible way, and that’s when I will truly rest in peace completely satisfied with my journey. It will be hell of a journey from womb to grave, but right now they are serving dinner in the train. It’s time to drown myself in the worldly pleasures of life..mmmmmm…smells good!

Nokia - A Strategic Goof Up?

Once someone told me there is nothing as a failed entrepreneur, because till the time an entrepreneur succeeds, all his failures are nothing but part of his efforts. Similarily when I see Nokia, I do not see it as a goof up, but a failure. Was there anything wrong with Nokia, yes, there was, and many things went wrong for them, some were expected, others were not so expected.

Nokia, which started as a pulp, rubber and cable manufacturing company, was the leading manufacturer of mobile devices till 2007. Their mobile phones were known for their reliability and the company who sensed the consumer’s needs quickly. It offered a wide range of mobile devices with a wholesome experience in music, video, imaging, gaming and a lot more to its consumers.

There were two markets, high end and low end mobile devices market. Till 2007 Nokia was dominating High End Market with its N-Series phones, while it gave several products in Low End Market to serve all the market segments. Now to see how from being a market leader how Nokia became a market struggler, these two markets need to be discussed in detail, and the incidents which happened in these markets.

Low End Mobile Devices

Even before any smartphone appeared in the market, it was this market segment which was responsible for major part of Nokia’s profits. The reason behind it is not hard to guess, Nokia evolved with the evolving telecommunication industry, there were rarely any competitors in the market. As a responsible company Nokia should have seen the threats of the future. It was not hard to see even at that time that as the telecommunication industry would grow more and more players would enter the market.

The biggest mistake was to completely ignore the biggest threat, China. Almost whole world is flooded with Chinese products, and sooner or later, appearance of Chinese phones in every market, especially in under-developed and developing markets was not hard to guess. These two factors, just like the shark’s jaw took the chopped off a major chunk of Nokia’s market share.

The problems for Nokia didn’t stop here, to make matters worse, Chinese market was not even organized. Since Chinese companies always came up with ‘look alike’ mobile phones, their R&D for mobile phones was negligible, and coupled with Chinese efficient operations, the mobile phones became at a very low cost, which made it tougher for Nokia to compete at cost.

Nokia failed at many fronts; first of all it could not make barriers for new entrants in the mobile phone markets, and secondly it did not add sufficient value added services in the phones to avoid competition from such low priced, low quality mobile phones. Can it be called a goof up of its own kind, yes, to some extent, but more than that I would blame the short sightedness and complacent attitude of the senior managers of Nokia. This market today is still dominated by Nokia, but its market share is the reminiscence of its glorious past.

High End Mobile Devices

This is the part which has acted like the last nail in Nokia’s coffin. The future for mobile phones was guessed almost by every mobile device manufacturer, and everybody made their own attempts to be the first one and the best one in the future. Apple launched iPhone, while Samsung came with Galaxy. Nokia also came up with its own smartphones; they were somewhat like a low budgeted movie which failed without making any buzz.

The “summer – cottage culture” of Nokia  lacked innovation and Entrepreneurial spirit. Every summer since 2007 while  Apple Inc. shipped a new iPhone, Nokia  managers vacationed at their lake cottages in Finland. This shows and tells many things about the company, being careless and complacent are few of the characters, but even more importantly it shows Nokia has no real leader when the time demands them.

The problem with Nokia was not that the phones were not good enough, they still were of high quality, but the problem was they did not understand the market and its competitors. The battle had advanced to another era, while Nokia insisted to fight in the traditional ways. The new CEO of Nokia, chose following words to describe Nokia’s mistake and the market –

Stephen Elop

“The battle of devices has now become a war of ecosystems, where ecosystems include not only the hardware and software of the device, but developers, applications, ecommerce, advertising, search, social applications, location-based services, unified communications and many other things. Our competitors aren't taking our market share with devices; they are taking our market share with an entire ecosystem. This means we're going to have to decide how we either build, catalyse or join an ecosystem.”

But can we really call it a goof up, I don’t see it as a goof up because Nokia took the necessary steps in the direction which they thought is the current one. It is a mistake, but certainly not a goof up. The Symbian operating system couldn’t sustain itself, it was certainly a bold gamble, but not a goof up. As an afterthought one may say that taking such gambles is not a good idea for a company which is struggling to survive.

These two failure has costed Nokia dearly, while for 2012, the operating losses are at a billion dollar, one fifth of the Nokia’s staff has been shown the exit gate. The new CEO Stephen Elop has taken up the toughest job in his career. As he said “Nokia was standing on a burning platform”, he actually summarized the whole problem, the competition was tough, and competitors were way ahead. Nokia indeed looks like a lost cause as of now. But the real question is “Do you really think so?” I don’t.

The way I see it, Nokia is going through the necessary changes it had to go through. As we all know with ten years of successful run, Nokia had become lethargic, lazy and complacent, it just needs to restructure itself, bring some good values in the system and shed some flab to be the lean auick and agile company which is a necessity in today’s world.

There are many steps which indicate that Nokia is on road to recovery, like collaboration with Microsoft, for using Windows mobile platform. As I see it, it is a clever deal not just because Windows is better than Symbian, but also because it allows risk mitigation. The failure and cost of failure will be shared by both Microsoft and Nokia, and not by Nokia alone as earlier was the case with Symbian. Restructuring will also help in breaking the vices which had covered the original values for long.

Why do I think Nokia is still alive, a late started by all means, but not a hopeless cause. I would like to believe that Nokia is the late bloomers, and it would be what it was, mobile devices leader. I do not want to believe Nokia will ever be out of the game because I have my own memories with Nokia, and I have seen it ever since I started using mobile devices. Nokia fans are still hoping the best for the company, but even if Nokia fails, I think they will be missed dearly by their lovers.

Animal Farm - Not a Book Review

I don’t know if this is truly a review for this book, a major reason may be that most of the people pass out of high school having read a book and written a book report too sometimes; thanks to our education system, somehow I skipped that complete episode. At this age, if I write a book review, it wouldn’t be fair; on the internet there is no shortage of different reviews. One more additional review is not going to make any difference; the difference lies in how and what lessons can be taken away from this classic.

Animal Farm is a satirical allegory – the different characters portray different characters of Russian revolution; given the era in which this book was written, it is obvious. I would talk about two characters who I believe are the two kinds of people we see in our society. First would be the Boxer, one of the farm’s cart horses, the strongest and hardest worker on the farm. Initially, his motto was “I will work harder”, and later when the going got tough he shrugged every bit of doubt out of his mind and made his motto to be “Napoleon is always right”.

On the other hand, Benjamin was the ill-tempered, cynical donkey of the farm. His kind was completely detached from whatever happens in the world, because they have accepted that things would always be the same and would always be bad. He worked as usual, never did anything extra, and never expected anything extra.

Of course Benjamin was right, things did go from bad to worse. Benjamin is the voice of the author, as well as the contemporary strategists who saw the consequences of the Russian Revolution. But it is Boxer that influenced me the most, as it is Boxer who at least tried to believe that his actions and contributions would make a difference to society. I do not say it is the best way to approach a problem or issue, but it is definitely better than doing nothing and simply accepting destiny.

As every author adds irony and a little spice in the story, Orwell made Benjamin and Boxer close friends; though completely opposite, they still had deep mutual respect for each other. I do not know what could have been the reason behind it but as I see it, the author probably wanted to say something like this -

“There are seven billion people in this world, and seven billion unique ways to live life, no one knows which one is the best, so let’s live ours the way we want to, let others live the way they want to.”

Coming back to the book, lots of people say it is about socialism, and how it is bad for the society. But considering the fact that Orwell was himself a socialist, I do not think it is entirely about the evils of socialism. I do not deny that this book cannot be the product of a broken-hearted man who expected a lot from socialism, but still it is about more than just socialism.

To me, the book talks about the two aspects of life: first, about the little seed of corruption which is present in every single one of us, and the other aspect about how history can be changed. The revolution was started with a very good intention; it was the little seed of corruption present in the hearts of everyone, especially the pigs who ended up taking control of the whole farm with Napoleon as the ruler. The second aspect can be justified by the fact that the seven noble commandments were changed from time to time, and ultimately nobody remembered what the actual seven commandments were. It shows how easy it is to change, manipulate and sometimes even wipe out history. A similar message was the main theme behind another Orwell’s classic 1984.

The book also tries to shred to pieces one of the most basic assumptions for any process or action –‘humans are rational animals’. We are not. If someone asks me to explain in one word why the revolution didn’t work, I would say ‘irrationality’. The revolution was too idealistic from the start, there was no room to compensate for our inherent irrationality. The whole story revolves around nothing but the betrayal of ideals.

The irony of life is that despite such a story, full of answers and lessons, similar events continue to occur. In the most recent past, the credit crisis that started in 2008 can be seen as a similar happening. It took place because of our irrational thoughts and greed, which is nothing but a form of corruption.

Companies like Enron, who started so well, and looked so promising does not exist at present, and the reason behind it is obvious - the initial seed of corruption had flourished into a full-blown tree inside those who led the company. From being a company promising solutions in the energy sector, they dreamt of ruling and controlling the energy distribution network. Can we call it a betrayal of ideals, in my opinion yes, in the truest sense.

In a broader sense, I would like to say that this book teaches us only one thing - when the journey is long, and the hurdles are too many to count, there is one thing we should not forget is the reason we took the first step of this journey. Irrationality and corruption are bound to creep in, and there should be mechanisms to avoid or neutralize them. Even then, I do not think a journey can end with the same objectives with which it was started, but the least we can do is try.

Exit

It feels weird, awkward to have left the things I cherished most. And the fact that I did it, just kills me. Did I feel the pain, yes sir, more than I had imagined. Why do people have to be so complex, even if things are not fine, can't they just give a hug and tell the other person things would be fine, just hold on, have patience. I know I haven't been what you wanted me to be, but I promise I shall try. Why people give up so easily, I didn't, and they know it. Why can't someone fight for me, even a bit. I do not know, probably I'll never get to know.

Be the Girlfriend - The Art of Thinking Out of the Box

People always get amazed when they see something they have never seen before, something which is truly new and fresh. Such an idea, product or act compels us to admire the person behind it. And we often end up asking how they even think about such a thing, how can they; how to think out of the box when the bloody box is so big? I agree, the box is big, and as always we are used to it, comfortable in it, so how do we start if we need to generate an out-of-the-box idea.

That’s where the girlfriend comes in; no, I am not asking you to find a girlfriend. (By the way, if you seriously don’t have one, stop reading and just go and get one first, dude). So it is crazy to even think that girlfriends can have any relation with such an issue. Well there is, and I am going to tell you how in the following few steps that are quick and easy, I assure you.

Be the Complaining ‘Bitch’ Girlfriend – Yes, that’s the first step! I am sure you must have experienced this, how a girl initially finds a guy so perfect and then after some time starts to complain about one thing or the other. Do it. I know you like the box, but if you want to think out of the box regarding a particular idea, issue or product, complain and ask yourself what you don’t like in it. At this point it is very important to note that you do not start thinking about what you want, just keep thinking various things you don’t like. Just as I said, be the complaining bitch girlfriend.

The Break-Up – We all know what happens when the rate and quantity of a girlfriend’s complaints cross all limits, yes the break up. So who am I to change the law of nature? It is actually time for a break up. Once you have done all the complaining part, break up with the box in which/with which you were so comfortable, and you have enough reasons (complaints) to do so as well. Stop thinking of the box, ignore it (as our elders said Ignorance is Bliss), trust me it is bliss, just do it. Give yourself some time to ignore the box, just as it takes time to come out of a break up. Once you have mastered ignoring the box, comes the third and last step.

Find a New One – After break ups, I don’t think girls remain single for long, there is always someone better than the previous one. That’s what you have to do, look for the new box, take all the complaints which you kept bombarding the older box with, keep thinking and keep looking, the new box is not that far. It has always been there, you just needed to go through the journey before you actually noticed it. I will not say that this step is easy, and if you noticed I never asked you to think what kind of box you need, no that would be a mistake. I never asked you to do this because I wanted your brain to think, not search. Thinking is important, way more important than searching for an answer. Let your brain take its time, and trust me you will come up with that out-of-the-box idea you were looking for.

This is how the brain works in the last step - it takes all your previous experiences, all of it, irrespective of whether it is related to the issue at hand or not, then it takes all the complaints for which you left the old box and kept looking for an answer, like a mathematical iteration it slowly does everything, and the end result is exactly what you wanted, an out-of-the-box idea. So now you know what to do when the need arises, just be a complaining girlfriend forever. Good Luck!

Drowning the Sober Self

It’s amazing how movies influence one’s own perceptions, how movies make us presume us things we would have thought about hundred times before deciding anything. Same is the case with drinking, many people ask me why do I drink? And my standard reply is “guess?”

Almost all the time I get the same reply, to forget something, “someone”! But do I? Or did u just assumed it be the reason since its portrayed this way in the movies? Well in any case the reason is so wrong, I do nothing but laugh.

Should I reveal the real reason? Well most of the times I drink because I want to. But I know what you want to know, the darker reasons. And I won’t deny, I really have darker reasons. It’s not to forget the failures, the lost love, the wounds, the pain, but I think to live those moments again without feeling the guilt or shame of living those darkest moments again, which are preceded by the life’s best moments. It’s the guilt which I want to drown, because no matter what my past is mine, no one can deny it. Not living in those moments is not an option, or probably I don’t want such an option. It’s a necessity for me. Because these were the moments which have shaped me. How can I forget them?

It’s this world which laughs at you when you express the desire to live in the past. Being sane for a long time makes me insane, for I see the ridiculous world, the stupid laws, expectations, assumptions, perceptions. It is all this that I try to drown when I drink. For those few hours I live in the past, where I want to be, I visit the corners of my heart again and again, where I want to hide myself.

Just for few hours. Is it too much to ask? I don’t know why we can’t see a human being as a simple human being different from his actions, habits, looks. Are we nothing else, were we supposed to be this hollow that few very obvious things could define us? Why aren't we able to ignore all the perceptions and assumptions when we meet someone for the first time? It is this inability which I try to drown in the alcohol. Staying sober for long is as pathetic as being buried alive. You don’t believe it? Well it is this disbelief which I want to drown.

Whats There On That Foreign Land

Whats there on that foreign land,

Same is the earth, same is the sand

You will find some faces distinct

But all souls work on instincts

Grass always looks greener on the other side

There is nothing you can't experience, if you are beside (me)

Whats there on that foreign land,

Same is the earth, same is the sand

Child Labour - An Emotional Issue

As I write this, I feel ashamed of being sure that within a radius of fifty meters there are many children working. Not just working, they are working under harsh conditions, for extremely low wages and for prolonged durations. This is not exactly an issue of child labor alone; it includes child abuse as well. It is not about crushing millions of innocent dreams and brighter possibilities; it is also about how they suffer every single day. During my research on child labor, I came across several relevant articles on the internet. What disturbed me the most is the monotonous tone of every article, as if the whole article was not written by a human being but was generated through a machine, and corrupted by numerous statistical charts and tables. The sufferings and harassments are measured in percentages. Isn’t it disturbing to present child labor as another business issue?  Where are the strong feelings and emotions? After all what can motivate a man better, than the underlying emotions.

I do not want to talk about the reforms needed to diminish or eradicate child labor, because this is a step we have not even reached. Before even thinking about reforms, I believe it is extremely necessary for the people to feel the sufferings of the children, strongly relate to the families these children come from. It is just about being human again. The day we would start feeling the pain, half of the battle would be won. Because these strong feelings would work as fuel to the burning motivation. And nothing can stop a society which is dedicated and motivated to work against it.

There are several reforms on both national and international level, which are being employed, but what all these reforms lack is that there is no one to ensure that these reforms are carried out in the best possible way, that it should be done in exactly the way it was supposed to be. I find not a gap but a valley between the battleground and the soldiers. You cannot win a war if you are scared of getting your hands dirty. The need of the hour is extensive work at the grass root level. Reforms need to be checked periodically, and the system should be properly aligned, if it is ambitious enough to win the battle.

The issue of child labor cannot be resolved in a matter of days; creating the awareness among one billion people itself is a magnanimous task. Instilling the culture of discouraging child labor and child abuse would need perseverance and dedicated hours of the people who actually want to see the change, not just talk about it.

This brings me to another question which needs to be answered if we want to cover an inch of this long journey. Who are the people working for this cause and who should actually be working for it? Should it be the government, or NGOs or certain individuals? I would not completely reject the roles of any of the parties involved in the reforms. I believe that involvement of all the parties is very important. Government is nothing but a mirror of a society. Till the time we would not take up this issue seriously, the government would never be serious about it either. As a matter of fact none of the parties involved would ever be able to contribute if we the general people who constitute the society would become serious about it. It is easy to say the government should make policies and rules and regulations to curb child labor down, how many of us have made any effort to force the government to make these policies and run them effectively. How many of us have expressed our dissatisfaction, and demanded a better performance by the government. It can be done in several ways like filing for RTIs, forcing the ministers to make the child labor part of their election manifestos during general and state elections.

For a country with a population over a billion the numbers of NGOs working for this cause are very less. NGOs need to be encouraged to fight for this cause, and that encouragement has to come from us, the society, and the government. If government makes the policies then NGOs can be appointed to supervise the execution of these policies and reforms. A little more strengthening of the authority of NGOs and little monetary help can yield unexpected results. Responsibility without authority would never work; it is almost as if the soldiers in a battleground without guns.

The society itself will have to play an important role if child labor has to be eradicated. The sensitivity towards child labor has to be increased. The attitude of not tolerating even a single case of child labor has to be instigated in the society. If we billion people cannot work for the future of our country, then who would work for this cause, the children itself? They are too young and innocent; their voice is too frail to break the sleep hibernating society and the government; their still growing body is too weak to bear the burden of reforms and policies. If we can use the children for our selfish purposes then there is no difference between us and the animals living in the woods.

Now it is our choice what do we want to be, animals or humans. Being human takes some effort and differentiating ourselves from the animals would take the continual untiring work of the society. The purpose of this article is not to tell you what child labor is, nor is it to give you the statistical figures and classification of child labor. As I said I would not even talk about them, internet is full of such articles, and I do not wish to write just another article. The purpose of this article is to ignite that small spark which would one day spread like fire and would burn this issue of child labor by its roots.

One day shall come when not even a single child has to wake up in the morning and get ready to work. This is my dream, and it is the dream of millions of children who are living by this hope that someday this dream would come true. Their eyes are full of expectations, and they are looking at us to save them from their misery. Its your time to act, its your time to decide. The ball is in your court. Play well.

Today is Moday

Today is Monday, it is my day,

Sunday is already past anyway

I put on a make up to show up my face

To a world which never wakes

Today is Monday, it is my day

To search for my dreams and find a way

No my dear heart, I can’t take your wish

I know you must be feeling like a fish

Outside the pond, strange is this bond

I love her, but I am  not supposed to tell her

I wish she understands, I wish I don’t have to utter

Today is Monday, it is my day

Osama Bin Laden vs. USA- Is It Really That Big?

Some would call it an euphoric moment, the, afterall “America’s” number one enemy has been shot down by the American army.  After ten years of war, trillions of money blown in smoke, and don’t forget the lives of people,  of innocent afghans, of the US soldiers. Yeah you can say its an euphoric moment, but I cant. Was Osama really as big as USA made it? Don’t you think USA aggrandizes a lot. Well they said he planned 9/11, but then they said Iraq had chemical weapons as well. You know what I mean. If you shoot an old lion tied to a tree, is it really an act of bravery?

Its time USA apologizes to the rest of world for their deeds of the present and of the past, and I am damn sure if given the opportunity they would apologize for the future as well. Have we forgotten USA was the country who gave weapons to innocent people of Afghanistan to defeat USSR. It was nothing but an act to boost their ego, to WIN the cold war with Russia. And while they boosted their own ego, Afghanistan became a war trodden country, no food, no infrastructure, no job, just guns in the hand of hungry innocent people. Look what happened, we didn’t even realize when that beautiful country became a butcher’s heaven. These people who are known as Taliban today were once known as innocent people. They didn’t have guns and rocket launchers. Who provided it? We all know. 

Can anybody tell me how can such a fucking great country as USA spend billions in supplying weapons, but not a dime on the restoration of that country. They turned two established, well developed Japanese cities into nuclear bomb testing site and burial ground. If you look at the rate at which the USA keeps waging war, one after the another, I think we should call them the terrorists, the mass murderers. Japan, Vietnam, Russia, Iraq(Twice), Afghanistan, Pakistan and smaller countries like Cuba, Korea. USA has fought with everyone, killing countless innocent people, under the cloak of fake ideologies. Hasn’t USA emerged as the country with the largest stock of terror spreading weapons, nuclear bombs and Chemical weapons. This is USA, and I haven’t yet started on their illegal weapon industry, or the unrest in African nations and USA’s role in it. 

Can anybody in his ir her right mind educate me the reason why USA and NATO(USA’s puppet in other words) are invading Libya? I see this as second Afghanistan in the making. They are giving weapons, again to people to remove Gaddaffi. And if I am right once Gaddaffi is gone, NATO navy ships will head to USA shores, with weapons in the hand of normal citizens or should I add poor citizens of Libya. You know I am not afraid of a soldier who carries a gun, but when a gun gets into the hand of an innocent man, boy I am really scared. Because that man has not yet explored the infinite possibilities that come with the gun, nor does he know the rush of power a gun can make a man feel. And you know what they say, nothing is as dangerous as a curious man.

USA made Israel and started a war, which is far away from the finishing line. Osama was just one of the consequences of Palestien-Israel controversy. In an interview Osama said:-

“When Palestienian children throw stones at Israel, they are called terrorists, but when Israelis bomb a whole embassy full of children, women and harmless men, USA says nothing. I think its USA which is the biggest terrorist who has spread violence in many countries and they will keep doing so.”

I think Osama was right, and what he was trying to do couldn’t be anymore correct, but his method was not proper, or effective. Osama should have united the ‘anti-USA’ countries and probably bombed the whole USA with some of their own nuclear medicines. An official war was what Osama needed to initiate. Unfortunately he chose an indirect way to fight against USA. And I don’t think he was able to achieve a lot, I mean if you see whatever he did was nothing but just a poke on the back of ‘uncle Sam‘.

But now he has died, is it that important, I don’t think so, at that age, with all those kidney problems he was of no use, and as far as I see just an officer has died whose post will be taken by someone else. And let me add that I do not hesitate to speculate that this recently promoted person will try something new, something bigger than what Osama ever did. Why would he do it? Because he has some big shoes to fill, and to prove his worth not only to the world but his fellow terrorists.

Don’t think USA doesn’t know this, why else they would close their embassies in Pakistan and Afghanistan un-till further notice. I really would like to ask USA what happened, back home everybody was chanting USA-USA. If that’s how safe you have made your own country and the whole world, then why such tight securities. Somebody is trying to fart without making noise. But hey! what about the smell?

PS:- I am not a Muslim, nor do I have a soft corner for Islam or Muslims. I am just trying to speak my heart and mind, and of course the T.R.U.T.H.

Cafe Nostalgia

It was a moderately pleasant winter morning, traffic buzzing by and the bright winter day-star filtering the chilliness in the morning air. I was however, ignorant to all these happenings around me as I lounged in a café, relishing on ice-tea. The space was naturally air-conditioned and the aroma was coffee crept into my senses. I felt unusually sleepy… might be the comfortable temperature or just the gloomy interiors. I had a quite corner, parallel to which a large display showed news and a magazine stand stood under it, carrying the weeks used and read magazines and the days gazette. On my other side sat a lady with a menu card in her hand, earnest in deciding what to order for. Apparently, she must have varied tastes and was craving for something new. She appeared to me like a silhouette due to the sun falling on her other side. I could vaguely make out her skin texture and complexion, neither fair nor dark but smooth. The morning light filtering through the white, sheet covered window fell diffused on her. Maybe, for once I felt if I could touch and feel what she was made of. I grabbed a magazine and perched right in front of where she was, still struggling with the menu. Doing so served me with some unintentional attention from the young college lads but I felt light. Right then, all of a sudden she came up ecstatically and finally ordered for a “lady boy” drink without wasabe vodka in it. It sounded like a double cheese pizza, without the cheese in it.

She had ebony hair, dark as they begun with hints of a lighter shade as each hair graduated to its tip and rested on her crimson-black, woolen wear. I still urged to get a direct glimpse of her eyes but I could certainly make out what they were like, vitreous, glittering in energy, dark and deep eyes outlined in “kajol”. Her face was evenly lit by a tender, golden glow.

I flipped through a few pages of my magazine while she received her ordered drink. The ‘clearing throat’ way, I put forward if she was waiting for someone. She looked up and waited to confirm if I was referring to her. I then discovered that it wasn’t her very well carried bodyscape that appealed to me, but her very pleasant and inviting aura. She seemed to be a nice person, shy, with a pleasing attitude and probably a bright smile--- will make a perfect housewife, thought I. She looked familiar though. She kept looking at me while I tried to figure out if I looked funny or if we’ve met earlier. Her frown followed a smile and she asked me “do I know you?” as soon that sentence ended, an image floated in. I could now remember that we had worked together in a Wills Lifestyle Fashion meet where she was a designer and I was assigned to cover the campaign portfolios. I am a fashion photographer by profession. I replied back in a generous tone “I guess we attended a fashion meet in Delhi some while ago, did we?” she frowned deeper and her smile widened as she exclaimed “Shubho! So how’ve you been all these days!?” I suddenly got happier on discovering that she remembers my name, my nick-name though. “And you are… Ravi”… “Roshni Ravi” she marked. Of course, how could I ever forget working with one of the most celebrated designers in the country? She was endowed with charming manners, just like other ladies in the industry but what made me remember her was her typical nature. To be precise, the aura around her was something unexplainably inviting and generous, unlike other important looking hot-shots in fashion. She told me that she was waiting for a friend and that they’d travel to Landour, where her friend’s parents live. I took the risk and inquired curiously, if her friend was a guy. She raised her eye brows and her eyes laughed when she relieved me by telling me that it’s her college friend, Ria. Roshni and Ria graduated from some university in Kolkata. I know Mr. Bose, Ria’s father as a writer since my early school days. I used to visit Landour frequently as I simply found peace in her soothing ambience. Ruskin Bond lives there, so do Victor Bannerjee and Pronoy Roy, just like other celebrities spend their retired years not in Las Vegas, but in the silent and peaceful lap of Mother Nature.

The day was emerging, I sipped deeper into my ice-tea and she continued with her drink.

I tried to generate a new conversation and started describing her how Landour is and how the beautiful hills astound me. Landour is a small British settlement around three kilometers above Mussorie. Large White hoses with red roofs and wooden floors. Walls generally covered with ebony-green creepers and a feel of ancient English integrity. Landour is a picture-postcard town, with the Oaks on one side of the cantonment and the Deodars on the other. I told her about my last visit to the place, during the previous winters. It snowed through the night and when I woke up in the morning, I found that the vicinity lay under a glistening white blanket… how beautiful, Landour as a crystal.

This picturesque little hill-town is possibly the most romantic of places I dream to spend my later life. She was listening to me carefully, half smiling and half in her minds picture, dreaming an unknown fantasy… dancing with her love. The air stood still as we built castles in the air… her friend appeared breaking through the silence, frolic to see Roshni after a long absence, maybe. She looked at me, we knew each other well and she tried to relate me with Roshni but failed, until Roshni told her about how we met.

Ria wanted me to come along as uncle Bose had wanted to see me since he got the news of my arrival in Dehra from maybe my in-town relatives. I was readily going to agree but realizing my credibility as a calm and sensible human,  I cooled down my desperateness and told her that I’ll see if I could, confirming my schedule for the weekend. I knew I had nothing much to do except maybe finish writing a book which was for now, a diminished priority.  So I pretended to cancel my client appointments and informed my parents that I’ll be visiting uncle Bose. I finally sighed and we made a move. We crossed the Mussorie diversion from Rajpur, beside which is a Buddhist monastery and the Sai Baba Mandir, and through the zigzagging roads, reached straight to sister’s bazaar. The Landour church warmly welcomed us with the noon bells and I once again, traced my memory back to my first visit, a never-forgettable. The church bell also reminded me of the bells of the Doon School, where I was born and educated. I gave up to this nostalgia and did not want to come out of these sweet memories of schooldays. I could hear the Chota Hazari bell like pins dropping in total silence, once more I was sunk in those memories with form mates, when we lunched after the never ending practical of our physics teacher, Mr. Mann. And as soon as the main building bell rang, we felt hungry all of a sudden, but to our stupefaction, found Rajma-Chawal.

It has been a fine journey, considering the fact that Roshni’s throwing up was quite natural- a girl from the plains. I felt terribly hungry and as we neared Ria’s house, I could smell something cooking, something extremely tempting. I asked Ria if it was fish, she said teasingly “indeed it is bong babu”… and I smiled at her… as if she wasn’t. The cottage is what I might describe as- my dream home. Begins with a lawn and opens into the view of a series of mountain ranges, diminished into invisibility. The entrance is built into the shape of an arch with vines all over. The lawn has tall trees which have covered the ground below with a yellowish-orange blanket of autumn. It does not mist during these months, unlike monsoons, when the whole vicinity sleeps under the cover of mist, which imbibes within it endless mysteries. Throughout my adolescence and adulthood, I have wondered why, did I always want to spend my entire life living in this house. It’s not because of the people inhabiting it presently, perhaps not even the breathtaking views in the outside. Maybe, more of a material cause like the integrity of construction. The rooms were well managed, space concern and were less decorated unlike the conventional houses where living rooms boast of one’s achievements and the walls speak of culture from around the globe. This house had none of that. It was different from all other houses. Might have been this reason why I considered it as home. The living room had sofas, plushy and comfortable. It’s walls were painted grey, a smooth and light shade of ash. And on those walls were nothing but a painting each, lamps and perhaps, lizards peeking from behind them. All the rooms are equipped with fireplaces, to liven frosty nights and out of which I clearly remember the one in the living room. There lies a shelf on top of that which carries empty, but elegant, glossy bottles of wine. I have spent my early years in this house, almost every weekend. The guest bedroom is my favorite. It is nothing less than the room of my dreams. Yes, I’ve dreamt about a room too. It’s the attic. The walls are painted pure white, smooth and glorious. It was re-fabricated by a modern designer. The room’s most appealing point is the see-through ceiling above. The sunlight, which shows occasionally, billows in to the room and the white walls enlighten the whole interior. The day thus looks happy and light-filled. I taste different flavors of mood in different seasons, and the room has a certain flavor to offer every time I visit it. In the summers, the window on top showers pliant radiance under which, I sit and imagine all the good things about life. In the monsoons, I like to be alone, the day remains dim and I love to lie in this room, looking at drops raining above. I just love to think, to imagine endlessly. It doesn’t take much to do so, just a mind full of memories, expectations, unanswered questions, a full stomach and all the times in the world. In vacations or weekends, I’m equipped with all these. In winters, the room is a completely different space. The roof is generally covered with snow, white, fluffy and sparkling through the day, but making the room chilly at night. And it was this time of the year, winters had not fallen yet but were about to, anytime now. I showed Roshni the guest bedroom and we decided that there could be nothing better to live in. I bagged the bed right under the glass opening and she kindly accepted the one away from it. But then Ria said in a rather teasing voice, that they were to join the beds and I was to sleep on a lower bed, away from my very own glass canopy. I knew, this was for their late night chit-chats and I didn’t mind. I’ll eventually sleep better, getting bored listening to their discussions about metropolitan shopping and old memories of college. I haven’t mentioned earlier but floating in the very aesthetics of the lady and the environment together, I find myself, in love again.

Alas! All this while I have been busy describing aesthetics in detail but the most interesting person here is Mr. Bose. I call him uncle, although I never wanted to ‘cause virtually that makes Ria my sister, fantasizing about whom would be a sin then. Uncle Bose is an ebullient person, always full of excitement and energy. He was a journalist till his early 40’s when he got into writing full time. It was soon, after about three years he found success through a book on life in Ladakh, “lame Ladakh”. I generally prefer not reading books written by people I’ve met. I like reading books by authors unknown, their ideas and style of writing appeals to me.

Thinking about my new love, I was in dilemma… what could define it better- infatuation or simply True love. I didn’t have enough arguments to support either side. There are days to come and winters to spend with her, right here and we’ll then decide- I said to myself. Infatuation is like spring to me, spring that brings lush green fields, spring that arrives like a life giver and is fed by the monsoons. But just as infatuation is temporary, spring disappears and autumn takes its place. Trees shed their leaves; the air whistles through the empty hedges and thereafter, silence prevails. But love, true and unconditional is like spring throughout the year. It imbibes itself within our instincts and exposes us to varied colors and flavors of life, and all this while, lets us be with her to experience the joys and despairs alike.

The only people in the house were me, Roshni, Ria and two maids. It was evening now and two maids. It was evening now and the sun had gone down. I was hungry again. There was some fire wood collected at the fire place and as the temperature started to deteriorate, we had to light it up and it brought life into the room. Ria remarked that it was unusually cold. “It might snow”- and later it did. Our corner of the room was quite warm while the air felt cold everywhere else. We shifted our mattresses close to the fireplace and the situation became even more pleasant with garlic bread and soup served as supper. Mr. Bose had called, to check if everything was fine. I spoke with him and said that he was missing out on the winter fun. I said that I regret his absence and aunt’s chocolate cookies too. He laughed at that.

I had fallen asleep quite early. But the other two kept chatting late in to night, as I had expected. I woke up early next morning as the fire had died away and my feet were freezing. To see if the sun had risen, I walked up to the large window on the second floor and peered outside. I ran down the stairs in excitement and woke up Roshni. She too, like me felt really cold. She was surprised, half asleep and curious as to why I’m waking her up that early. I told her I had a surprise for her. She did not resist, she stood up and I covered her with a blanket and climbing up the stairs we reached the large window. I hadn’t drawn the curtains. I made her face the window and covered her eyes with my palm. I then drew the curtains and uncovered her eyes for her to see. She opened her eyes slowly, on which rested her heavy eyelashes, fine and intricate. The air stood calm and as she perceived what she saw, her heart began to thump noisily. The dawn sky was darkest blue, and beneath it lay a Landour covered in white snow. Snow fell and settled like cotton. I for once felt as if I were in heaven. She stood there with her eyes and mouth wide open, observing how my described fantasy came to life. I felt really light- in love. For it was the first time she saw snow in real and I was with her, responsible in floating her into ecstasy. She was unable to put into words her precise feelings. I assured her that I knew exactly of the emotions running through her. She seemed to be quite thankful that I made her feel that way. I looked deep in to her and asked her to turn about. Once again, we stared at the snow fall happening in the wide, before us. I stepped closer to her and hugged her from behind. My emotions were not that of lust, the whole feeling can be described as beautiful, comely, but erotic. Apparently she did not mind my doing so. I whispered close to her ears that if I could astound her with such moments for the rest of her life. She said “only if you keep up with the deal and snore a little less while sleeping”- and we burst into laughter. Those words were the clearest speech ever heard, clearer than euphonic notes of a piano struck in absolute silence. Her voice itself seemed to be music to me, and her ringing laughter filled my heart with honey. I was now “officially” in love. I hadn’t expected such a pleasant reaction from her. Everything happened like a series of unplanned events but all went well, surprisingly well. I sat down on the floor below and relished what I had just achieved. It seemed a bit unnatural to me, my acting so romantically but rather absurdly and then, her accepting my love was even strange. This wasn’t anything amorous. I had always tried to avoid such thoughts of generating a relation between us because frankly, I always knew of it to be impossible. However, here I stood with the presently so-assumed love of my life.

The sun had started to show from the east horizon as the dawn broke in to one more mesmerizing moment. Neither of two of us wanted to go back and sleep. I had much to talk about but was a bit reluctant in risking matters, like asking her about the reasons why she accepted me. Were we acting quixotic? –I wondered. But then I did not want to let her give it a second thought as she might have changed her mind then. Alas! Right then she herself broke into the topic. She told me that she was a great admirer of my works in photography. She loved my sense of appreciating aesthetic values as it was very much in rhythm with hers. I was relieved, glad to know that indeed, real reasons existed. I wasn’t imagining, this was reality, I sighed.

A decade back, my first relation continued for four long years, not long enough though. Her name was Sarah Wayne. She was from the Trinidad Islands. I would prefer to avoid details as otherwise I’ll have to knit a whole network of happenings through these four years, which is rather not that interesting. Maybe for a romantic individual, it’s paradise but not for the average reader. My breaking up was dramatic. I would wishfully state that I was fortunate to experience some thing that makes hurting, sentimental and the “lived happily never after” movies. A drastic break in relations is precisely what I’m talking about.

It was raining that night, and I was celebrating my four years of a stable relationship, a bond now kept for four years, unlike the commons, in whose lives relations are made and broken each day. I wanted to see Sarah but my school walls restricted me. I had however, busted these bounds as the night grew grave. I tottered on to Sarah’s house, which was quite a distance to cover on foot. But my will was no less; it kept me going for the one I loved, for the one I lived. As I reached her house, my heart drummed a rock tune. I wanted to see her as happy as a sunflower smiling under the sunny sun. But, her parents weren’t home, and neither was she. Dripping in the rain I sat and awaited these sentimental moments when suddenly, a car stopped at a distance. This wasn’t her parent’s car; I knew they owned a different vehicle. I could vaguely make out the color, it was pink, rather raspberry pink. Who could own such a car? This wasn’t Las Vegas or Hollywood…This is Dehra’s little town! The only person belonging to Dehra who could own it could be the son of the Graphite Industrialists, the Malhotras- the city Romancer, “the rich and spoiled” as they say, behind him. I cared not to walk up and see who it was, but then I heard Sarah’s voice. Huh? -Was my first reaction. I could hear her clear through the rain; I was hyper sensitive to her voice as I found it distinctive, but not odd. I was sure she was not with her parents, and I hurried down the track to check if it was really her. No wonder it was the town romancer, Malhotra, making love to someone… how erotic! But as he moved, I saw her eyes, her face and she herself, lying below him, sunken deep in pleasure. A shiver ran down my whole body, I trembled in alarm. It was her!

There I stood in the rain, realizing reality. A moment back, I was celebrating, and here I was, looking at my life rip apart. I couldn’t help, but cried. She moaned, while I groaned. I did not have words, but felt my heart fall off my chest, which once beat the symphonies of pride. I did not react, but my eyes leaked a million tears, which dripped and blended into the rain pouring from above. I thumped on the glass windows, asking her what went wrong. I thumped harder on the window, but they cared not, if I existed, since such cheap pleasures had absorbed her sanity. I returned wet that night, less in the wetness of rain and more in the melancholy, which love offered in return. As a child then, I always thought being committed makes life harmonic. But I guess I was wrong. Love has eyes, sometimes blinded by lust. I feel obliged to pass this on to my fellowmen, who I believe were always smarter than me, they were the “commons”- Relations are made and broken each day, I was now a common. Metaphorically, I looked at it as a building being constructed. It took four years to build four stories and a moment to scatter in to a ruin, a demolished mass of memories, moments and all that love that I had for her. After all, it wasn’t who I was, but who I wanted to be like. I now wanted to take such relations as mere ways of recreating time. But I had no time now, I was to build my career. I recovered slowly, and in to a drastically intelligent lad, who found pleasure in observing aesthetics, but not touching them. School was tuff, but I had marked where I stood. I hated the opposite sex for a while, and this misogyny routed me to the study of Santayana’s philosophy, the sense of Beauty. I studied why, when and how beauty appears, what conditions must a being fulfill to be beautiful, what elements of our nature make us sensible of beauty, and what the relation is between a beings constitution and the excitement of our susceptibility.

Today I’m happy about what happened, as my parents stated that “we’re glad to see it happened within your early years, you would otherwise have been more attached mentally and such matters could even worsen and hurt you more”…

Roshni and I knew each other well, as we had worked together on different occasions for years. We had argued, quarreled but also understood each other. We knew how a relation needs to be founded and nurtured. I was less of an optimist now, I still assume that this new relation could break any moment, but I was to make it immune to external forces like lust, fortune and power. Today I had these three essentials and I was ready to sail and sink in love. With my mind struck in quandary, I touched to see if she was for real, indeed she was- I sighed. What a great day!

We woke Ria up and served he bed-breakfast. The fireplace was put to work again and we sipped on coffee. Ria was not exactly aghast on learning that me and Roshni were now in a relation. She was always like that, calm, idealistic, unlike her realist father, a journalist thus. The coffee was great, the air was light to breath, and everything else seemed equally beautiful. I shared all such feelings with her and she agreed of feeling the same. The crucial part was that we had loads to talk about. To talk about our lives, occupations, likings and dislikes, lifestyles we favored… and things to consider and compromise for harmony in our relation. At noon, we walked out into the sun filled sparkling lands of snow and went hiking up till the top, from where the green valley was visible on our front and on our rear was Dhanaulty, another hill station. On our way down, we observed the beauty of the Sun’s rays let in by the canopy tops of trees, cutting through the mystical haze and glittering on the snow below.